a few years ago my friend jenny beth slipped on ice & broke her tailbone. she had 3 small children to care for & i wondered how she was gonna do it all from the couch. i remember talking to her on the phone & i'm not sure if she said or if i said it, but a phrase was tossed out.
"it's another thing to trust Him with"
yesterday, matt said those words back to me. they weren't easy to hear through self-pity tears & because i haven't been trusting Him. a week & a half ago i woke up to check on Lena at 4am & couldn't stand or move. pain in my back & shooting down the back of my leg glued me to the mattress. i rode it out for a week with lots of help from my mom, matt's mom & of course, matt himself. then got some meds & a steroid shot on friday. it's not the end of the world, but it still hurts & we have to plan our week around finding folks to help out around the house. it feels like the scheduling we did during bedrest. and it isn't like bedrest because i can walk around and it is like bedrest because i can't do it on my own.
i did not like bedrest.
it was a hard hard season of life for matt & i. not because I was bored or because it got old laying down all the time but because i couldn't be the mom i wanted to be...and back then, the only rascal was 10month old hazel. things look different around here now & in only a week of some back pain & limping around i feel that weight & panic of
"how am i gonna care for my family?"
"how is this not gonna swallow me up?"
"how are we gonna get thru this one?"
and i know the answer but turned my face from it last week. i really just wanted to push through on my own & let it pass & He wouldn't allow that.
it's the same answer to it all.
it's just Jesus.
Just.
Jesus.
no health or perfect schedule or all the things that swirl in my head to make up a life...i gotta let all that noise go if I am to make through. i gotta get over trusting in myself & trust Him only.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Psalm 20:8
it's just Him. i must trust Him.
He will care for us. He is all hazel, anders & lena need. He is all matt & i need.
our little family blog
Read this this morning:
ReplyDeleteHis pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of a man;
the Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love. Psalm 147;10-11
Ugh! Ginny, I wish I could be there to help!!
ReplyDeletePsalm 107:27-31
They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
they were at their wits' end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
Hugs from AL.
Prayers from Ohio!
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't already, find a chiropractor! (If you have, feel free to disregard the rest of this...) Chiropractic medicine works with your body (all natural!) and is AMAZING. I had that same experience - waking up unable to move, in total agony. Closest I've ever come to throwing up and passing out at the same time. I'd moved the wrong way in the middle of the night and thrown my back out. A disc was pressing on a nerve - torture. One visit to the chiropractor and I was on the mend. It only cost $35 (a fraction of the price of the meds I would have been prescribed) and didn't pump me full of chemicals. Give it a shot!!!
Regardless, I promise to pray for you and the fam.