i made a movie

matt and i always talk about how, in parenting, sometimes words just don't suffice.  that it's too much difficulty and beauty and challenges and growing and changing and trusting and overwhelming unconditional love to try to hash out with words.  you know matt is the word guy and he comes really close, but still, it's hard.

so, a year ago today is when the plane touched down at xna.  matt, lena & i stepped off and walked down that hallway to see our family & friends that already loved this little girl so much.  i squeezed hazel and anders so tight they probably lost their breath for a minute.  lena was pretty much asleep, for the first time in over 24 hours.
that is when the real journey of the last year began.  international adoption is a funny thing.  there is so much paper work and traveling and ups and downs of waiting then going then waiting that all of that feels like the longest process...but it's but a spec.  just a starting point.  the journey, the real journey comes when you step foot on home soil.  with a new brother and new sister and grandparents.  new smells and clothes and so much new to get used to.  a warm bed and food to fill.  lots of tears and toiling to learn a new normal.

then, seemingly in a flash...the first year is over.  it was somewhat quick and mostly slow.  full of patience and grace...that i desperately needed from the Father and He poured out in abundance on this fumbling mom.

and i look back...
at when i didn't know which way was up and when i wasn't sure how i'd pull off cooking dinner and when i couldn't remember the last time i had showered and when the kids were crying and when the kids were laughing.

and i look back...
at a shaved head turned blond wavy locks
at bony legs and arms turned muscle.
at laying on her back to walking and crawling.
at a great year, covered in Jesus.

words don't do it justice.
a little movie won't either, but i tried.