tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64237181630678130502024-03-05T17:22:38.205-06:00orbit of the mooneysour little family blogginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-36602355501950707532016-04-06T17:28:00.001-05:002016-04-06T17:28:21.367-05:00miraclewebster's dictionary's full definition of the word miracle is...<br />
1 : an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs<br />
2 : an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment<br />
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well done, webster, well done. i just love that definition. when we took our little family on vacation a few weeks ago, the word miracle kept coming up when matt and i would talk about what we were in the midst of. we would make eyes across a restaurant dinner table that silently said to each other "what is happening?! how are we doing this??!"<br />
<i>we were right in the middle of an extremely outstanding and unusual event, thing, accomplishment. </i><br />
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sometimes a backstory is pretty important in understanding the intensity of a miracle. if i just tell you that i went out and ran 4 miles...great, no big deal, gold star for getting the heart pumping. but if i tell you that i am 18 months post back surgery and i never thought i'd run again and the only way i can run is by doing lots of safe-for-my-back-core-exercises 500 times a week and then i can maybe run. when you know that backstory, then, the 4 mile run i tell you about becomes a lot more <i>unusual and outstanding.</i><br />
below is a specific photograph. (i may or may not have just rummaged through a gazillon unorganized digital pictures that i have stored successfully in about 15 places because i don't understand clouds or, for that matter, any form of technology at all. i am worse than your grandmother, i promise.)<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qeRZy7Js22A/VbzA2chVGrI/AAAAAAAASCQ/TGNv0Q2cX5Uh8PbnBgQpWevku8WD7-aEA/s1600/IMG_1326.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qeRZy7Js22A/VbzA2chVGrI/AAAAAAAASCQ/TGNv0Q2cX5Uh8PbnBgQpWevku8WD7-aEA/s320/IMG_1326.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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this picture is just a little snapshot of a backstory. it was included in a text thread between matt and i approximately 1 year prior to this glorious spring break trip we just took. </div>
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our texting looked like this:</div>
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matt--</div>
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how was the ENT appointment?</div>
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me--<i> </i></div>
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<i>send picture</i></div>
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this picture is just the most regular thing i could find. it is not dramatic or anything sad, i can not express how not big of a deal it is to our lives in any way. i wasn't even sweating. but let me try to explain for the bigger scope of things.</div>
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in the picture above, spring 2015, we are in the very full waiting room of a doctor's office. i ask lena to do something simple and mundane, maybe something like "let's sit down". she doesn't like an unfamiliar place, she doesn't like me telling her what to do, she doesn't like sitting. when you don't have words to forcefully say "NO" and you are as smart as lena, you figure out another way to express the sentiment. so she fell to the floor on purpose to protest the current situation. at which point, <strike>a few,</strike> every head turns. </div>
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now, i am not extremely good at a lot of things in my life....kind of a jack of all trades and ace of nothing type person. which is fine, i'm happy with this fact about myself. however, when it comes to lena's behaviors, interpreting what she is expressing with the behavior and responding in a way that hopefully she can learn a new and appropriate way to express herself...i'm sort of an ace. i mean, not 100% of the time. but it's a tricky little mom life full of behavior planning and i have had a lot of practice over the last 2 years. </div>
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so, back to the waiting room. i do nothing. every head turns, people look at me like i'm rude or oblivious to the child rolling on the floor... but i have a plan and even when surrounded by confused strangers, i stick with that plan with the intensity of an olympic athlete. i give lena ZERO recognition for the scene and say the exact same thing in the exact same tone as before. "let's sit down". and i wait on her to get her own self up off the floor and actually sit down. </div>
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sometimes i feel like a behavior ninja. </div>
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also, how great is anders' face.... it says "lena's on the floor again, but why would you take a picture of it? nothing to see here"</div>
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this snapshot into 4 minutes of regular life is your backstory. it's the backstory that makes traveling with all 5 of us across the country to phoenix, to the grand canyon, to sedona, going through airports and in and out of the rental car and different hotels and times to walk and times to sit and times where there is tons of background noise and times of silence and a lot of heat and then a lot of cold....it is this backstory that makes the trip such a miracle. <i>extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment.</i></div>
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she did it. lena did it and did great. there were some tears, there were some frustrations but the most remarkable thing to me in all of it is that lena did not just endure it. she enjoyed it. like, really enjoyed it as much as hazel and anders did. and hazel and anders...sweet loves... i swell with pride. they were grateful and fun and patient with their sister but also just with the ins and outs of traveling. the whole stinkin' thing was such a gift.</div>
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i still think "what in the world just happened?"... and when we got back, matt and i were still in awe. (( we talk about it <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/m-ch-with-ginny-mooney-ep.-9/id1081547633?i=365860965&mt=2" target="_blank">here</a> ))</div>
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now is where i try to put in a few vacation pics, but end up putting way more than a few. </div>
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<b>getting there </b></div>
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<b>visiting new beautiful baby bailey</b></div>
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<b>desert botanical gardens</b><br />
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<b>hiking piestewa peak in phoenix</b><br />
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<b>montezuma castle on our way from phoenix to williams, az</b><br />
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<b>train ride and day at the grand canyon</b></div>
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<b>sedona, arizona</b></div>
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-19780841290092766512016-03-18T22:13:00.000-05:002016-03-19T08:53:00.430-05:003 things i am loving lately<div><div><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-kX2XIHDqfzQ/Vu1Zudr_12I/AAAAAAAAUfw/MdDzo2BJaHE/I/photo_689036.jpg" border="0" class="bloggoimg"></div><br><br><br></div>#1 podcasts...namely the podcast from which the title of this post is from. (is this allowed?) <div>let me explain. </div><div>my beloved husband over at <a href="http://www.theatypicallife.com">the atypical life</a> started a podcast. i have always listed to podcasts now and then...<i>this American life</i> and then, of course & subsequently, <i>serial</i> and a few <i>relevant</i> ones on a long drive. </div><div>then, when matt started his podcast, i started listening to his and i can't say enough about it. i mean, i am his wife and i am <b>completely</b> biased but they are the best 30 minutes of the week. so good, that i then had to find others from other folks to listen to while driving from school to therapy and piano and art club. so, i discovered <i>the happy hour with jamie ivey. </i>I'm sure you have heard of binge-watching shows on netflix but have you heard of binge-listening to podcasts? because that is exactly what i have been doing and i completely give blame equally to:</div><div>a) my husband and </div><div>b) jamie ivey.</div><div>so good...or as jamie would say "so fun". </div><div>at the end of the atypical life podcast, matt always encourages you, if you didn't like the show, to share about it on myspace. i laugh out loud. <b>every. single. time.</b></div><div>at the end of the happy hour, jamie ivey always asks her guests 3 things that they are loving right now. so, being the savvy content-provider that i am...i thought i would just copy that idea. mainly because when you binge-listen and hear all these folks give their answers, you start to think, what would i say? if jamie ivey asked me 3 things I'm loving lately?</div><div><br></div><div><b>#1 podcasts</b></div><div><br></div><div><b>#2 cooking lunch</b> </div><div>i really like to cook but cooking dinner evey night when you feel rushed and when your family is sort of picky is not fun. so when all the kiddos went off to school this year, i decided to make myself lunch on some days and to have fun with it. i am not the healthiest of eaters, but I have found some great healthy options. for one, sautéed spinach, tomatoes, bell pepper garlic in olive oil, top with mozzarella and roll up in a tortilla. another favorite: avocado toast. i am obsessed. <a href="http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2016/03/nolita-style-avocado-toast/">smitten kitchen's</a> basic prep is my favorite, but <a href="http://www.bonappetit.com/test-kitchen/how-to/article/ways-to-top-avocado-toast">these</a></div><div>are a few interesting variations, too.</div><div><br></div><div><b>#3 kitchen appliances </b></div><div>so random, right? we are in process of a little home project/renovation and i have never done anything like this and it is a riot. </div><div>architect and builder guys: <i>"what kind of tile, trim, exterior materials, lights, blah, blah, blah do you like?"</i></div><div>me: <i>blank stare...silence...confused look..."could we talk about kitchen appliances?"</i></div><div>don't get me wrong, i am so thankful for every part of this project, but when you do new things you discover what parts are enjoyable to you and what parts are just not. oddly enough, the part i have enjoyed the most is geeking out over kitchen appliances. i mean, so strange but it's true. i stinkin love the comparing and looking at features and reading reviews. so far, i really like fisher & paykel. they are really nice, sleek looking appliances that aren't as expensive or as bulky as ones like thermadore or subzero. i'm a huge fan of small, functional, smart design over big, clunky or ornate in any way. so in theory, like <a href="https://www.fisherpaykel.com/us.html">this brand</a> a lot. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>so, those are 3 things i'm loving...now, if jamie ever asks me, i'll be ready.</div><div><br></div>ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-66674700936659586102016-03-10T08:00:00.000-06:002016-03-10T08:00:15.225-06:00top 10<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8N9hwsb10-RFEnsqaQf0oVEfeLiRa0NLE5MiWedGPVRlQII6s8UPUL-MJtlyS7C6gyqAaucpcc_xhSdq10sTgfIHHxiUpL2eRlffVUb26lhcYLGGY5vfJ12mNtkZAfDa7eZ76Zf3QlUH1/s1600/IMG_8056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: transparent; clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></a>
in a perfect world, i venture to play catch up in this bloggy space that i haven't been to much lately with lots of details and pictures of last <strike>months</strike> year. but i deal less in the realm of "perfect" and "organized" and "diligent" and more in that of "messy" and "scattered" and if i put a good spin on it, "artsy". <br />
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so here is my super creative and artsy (reading words can be harder to translate than spoken ones, so if you haven't picked up on the tone here, i call it sarcasm) way to pack the last 10 months into one post. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">my top 10 in the last 10 months. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>1) hazel's last day of kindergarten, anders preschool graduation </b>(yes, i combined 2 because it's my blog and top 10 sounds better than top eleven)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2) summer 2015 - bay view, michigan</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>3) first day(s) of school</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvSesajruKrOlDZpO2azB9k_HTgIIEvY8nkL6tGQIApLdSyy2UXDXRp9IAKoHRg0XY6nl6UfmSy9LCUj4dQdyOX-pa7ayyNT4sW8rnpNCXCF2wrpXPzAjXeICEvGvkcK197Rzv2K9A37Nu/s1600/IMG_8278.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvSesajruKrOlDZpO2azB9k_HTgIIEvY8nkL6tGQIApLdSyy2UXDXRp9IAKoHRg0XY6nl6UfmSy9LCUj4dQdyOX-pa7ayyNT4sW8rnpNCXCF2wrpXPzAjXeICEvGvkcK197Rzv2K9A37Nu/s400/IMG_8278.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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i mean, they were a little excited</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSevRZ9HByEldmHUn6i2H_ukyU_TOlOqm1K1M5cMYg0mCYJofe5wePHQ2Qi1YBPO1zhK_B3MfHnz-VBkQveMs_sClvzS5JkaULEQhS4Sfq3cHky06rd4jbsBQ71OA2BUGoLFniF6tNiVIh/s1600/IMG_8306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSevRZ9HByEldmHUn6i2H_ukyU_TOlOqm1K1M5cMYg0mCYJofe5wePHQ2Qi1YBPO1zhK_B3MfHnz-VBkQveMs_sClvzS5JkaULEQhS4Sfq3cHky06rd4jbsBQ71OA2BUGoLFniF6tNiVIh/s640/IMG_8306.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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this was lena's first day walking into public school, in her neighborhood, with her peers. beautiful.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>4) anders loves sports but he also endures some piano </b></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jamM6zJ5iuI/Vjz8k5f_p6I/AAAAAAAATSI/dMulX06FBgA/s1600/IMG_3398.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jamM6zJ5iuI/Vjz8k5f_p6I/AAAAAAAATSI/dMulX06FBgA/s320/IMG_3398.JPG" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaTLLXjUDIG0E_pVOH_O7JF4wO3XRqh0QAyGn2mqf4bEnps-xzPoSoZyt8qqhCZIjuJCJsSn43cBNcrlRbExDxE9s1QUpevv1P0Lwesr5BojmHXWagFoafPKDZiQxsgfv_aobWcs6uEkzp/s1600/IMG_8608.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaTLLXjUDIG0E_pVOH_O7JF4wO3XRqh0QAyGn2mqf4bEnps-xzPoSoZyt8qqhCZIjuJCJsSn43cBNcrlRbExDxE9s1QUpevv1P0Lwesr5BojmHXWagFoafPKDZiQxsgfv_aobWcs6uEkzp/s320/IMG_8608.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
he wrote a song about a dinosaur... and played it, along with mary had a little lamb at his recital<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>5) hazel's birthday and first real play</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0oUcZ4Qx0zmcxIQBXAUGxFum_u893YkcTRhzkqVDjjwrVMnn-bTNP0ItxjcGIv8yf8LxUlPR2c0ifHowUV2YqFMKpBBDkTknFDrUCiGsfdWEWtjU3xIt7O7D1vRugzjroDY_WX46CwWag/s1600/IMG_8343.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0oUcZ4Qx0zmcxIQBXAUGxFum_u893YkcTRhzkqVDjjwrVMnn-bTNP0ItxjcGIv8yf8LxUlPR2c0ifHowUV2YqFMKpBBDkTknFDrUCiGsfdWEWtjU3xIt7O7D1vRugzjroDY_WX46CwWag/s400/IMG_8343.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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getting her ears pierced on the exact day she turned 7...the exact day thing is very important to hazel</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg23SxEPPPb9AmZ3U5FhE4OFHP3jXLyiCsoGWmadYSnvsulwI5gpp_6PUA-jKtVDEOMrxtDeVTzmDpeFGfBJzdgIi1cqrflhVP59n2dyab_wJR3LdSkWM0JaGqDXlVudAPpUMQpIb3-DIja/s1600/IMG_8377.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg23SxEPPPb9AmZ3U5FhE4OFHP3jXLyiCsoGWmadYSnvsulwI5gpp_6PUA-jKtVDEOMrxtDeVTzmDpeFGfBJzdgIi1cqrflhVP59n2dyab_wJR3LdSkWM0JaGqDXlVudAPpUMQpIb3-DIja/s640/IMG_8377.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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swim party...i mean, that smile, c'mon...i'll throw you a swim party every day</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFpbCS2PrONYctxRH92XavTKuqyGDxBesXhSpS1qKueaXJCTcvaK3qaUE0niw3jD7SmPkxF_-EhNxiySk2LH76yGtJgZT-ro7D6czM8rwWvYb4y_cztv3qpAwMIbwdnr3DzrS8THWzeFW_/s1600/IMG_8509.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFpbCS2PrONYctxRH92XavTKuqyGDxBesXhSpS1qKueaXJCTcvaK3qaUE0niw3jD7SmPkxF_-EhNxiySk2LH76yGtJgZT-ro7D6czM8rwWvYb4y_cztv3qpAwMIbwdnr3DzrS8THWzeFW_/s400/IMG_8509.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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her "debut"</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhafaqRx2meaLDJKAw38EH99AdQ7qtPI1DaDTTG0uDs08ijQhzAEkPJPacg04EdTnP6uFdvLSRmGi2DlBXb-OAyR9a77aSFij5UWFMDSJ0TxNtpfS4TYAzXhQk6sj3QamRInmhMgOF_AEHb/s1600/IMG_8528.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhafaqRx2meaLDJKAw38EH99AdQ7qtPI1DaDTTG0uDs08ijQhzAEkPJPacg04EdTnP6uFdvLSRmGi2DlBXb-OAyR9a77aSFij5UWFMDSJ0TxNtpfS4TYAzXhQk6sj3QamRInmhMgOF_AEHb/s400/IMG_8528.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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she got to wear makeup and get her hair curled...which is really fun, but loses it's luster when you have 5 performances in 4 days.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>6) halloween</b></span></div>
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bumble bee, groovy girl, and a pirate</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">7) matt gave me <b>tickets to the alabama/lsu game in tuscaloosa,</b> we went (my first time back there in almost a decade!) and my brother and sister-in-law are saints who kept the rascals</span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-useom5XLDTU/Vm2UGYcQz_I/AAAAAAAATyk/V8TJYq1tdeA/s1600/IMG_3918.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-useom5XLDTU/Vm2UGYcQz_I/AAAAAAAATyk/V8TJYq1tdeA/s320/IMG_3918.JPG" width="320" /></a><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uqOCGmeCxNk/Vm2UFZ27ofI/AAAAAAAATyg/7dGD4NC_iQM/s1600/IMG_3913.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uqOCGmeCxNk/Vm2UFZ27ofI/AAAAAAAATyg/7dGD4NC_iQM/s320/IMG_3913.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zaD3wW6BWA8/Vm2UEAddR3I/AAAAAAAATyU/PQuEmEgCk-w/s1600/IMG_3907.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zaD3wW6BWA8/Vm2UEAddR3I/AAAAAAAATyU/PQuEmEgCk-w/s320/IMG_3907.JPG" width="240" /></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ejqa6KPZO-I/Vm2UI48XPSI/AAAAAAAATyw/VPYb-j-UsTo/s1600/IMG_3919.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ejqa6KPZO-I/Vm2UI48XPSI/AAAAAAAATyw/VPYb-j-UsTo/s320/IMG_3919.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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the kids were all quiet entertained by reading cousins and uncle gabe in his halloween costume</div>
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2 of the best humans...i call them saints. </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">8) lena's birthday</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTXfwJQyoZpoPuk2uVsuSKl2Uzh0xkYV2cNhxPZDFmF-pl8e_w_NSIC1Vgzp0z_oEH9sJgK3Wb60V_arCkMwyFweUSvIJAmUFrgVsZ-bgkGBcrHdY1FiGmd0Rm9JxunFUnPZ1MsIQjrmX1/s1600/IMG_8583.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTXfwJQyoZpoPuk2uVsuSKl2Uzh0xkYV2cNhxPZDFmF-pl8e_w_NSIC1Vgzp0z_oEH9sJgK3Wb60V_arCkMwyFweUSvIJAmUFrgVsZ-bgkGBcrHdY1FiGmd0Rm9JxunFUnPZ1MsIQjrmX1/s320/IMG_8583.jpg" width="213" /></a><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Hn4gu_BCF_M/Vm2VPeQyPdI/AAAAAAAAT5g/bXuDeLOo9hM/s1600/IMG_4215.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Hn4gu_BCF_M/Vm2VPeQyPdI/AAAAAAAAT5g/bXuDeLOo9hM/s320/IMG_4215.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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lights and balloons and smiles from this beauty.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">9) christmas </span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvfrt0GDdZQPzk8O7SNB9CVyX7zH3Bd2CGrmf7CjxYm6x0K070GJqD0L5VZGK_x8wN1NZ_qjknXrATBH4IqdHqKpCmZaTukcr4P5z26gvE4kHv_mV2X6M_fo8DLQLg54M7XZvUdPahS2k0/s1600/IMG_8626.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvfrt0GDdZQPzk8O7SNB9CVyX7zH3Bd2CGrmf7CjxYm6x0K070GJqD0L5VZGK_x8wN1NZ_qjknXrATBH4IqdHqKpCmZaTukcr4P5z26gvE4kHv_mV2X6M_fo8DLQLg54M7XZvUdPahS2k0/s640/IMG_8626.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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it was magical...in case anyone was wondering ages 6, 7 & 9 are perfect ages for christmas and just family life in general.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">10) anders' birthday</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6utDy8Hye_laebjX0A6hJujnenQMEHKrByrnP7tq4xwzUvHYHaSzFIOSFlMVoUogWTTga0Zwj_hyphenhyphenixtz-BoLFihZZP3TPsVkhCFop7F5Q93qDAvubZH3TBXuyt2Q8pJ5JLD8PPutMBmPr/s1600/IMG_8690.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6utDy8Hye_laebjX0A6hJujnenQMEHKrByrnP7tq4xwzUvHYHaSzFIOSFlMVoUogWTTga0Zwj_hyphenhyphenixtz-BoLFihZZP3TPsVkhCFop7F5Q93qDAvubZH3TBXuyt2Q8pJ5JLD8PPutMBmPr/s320/IMG_8690.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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so maybe anders was sick on his actual birthday and had pink eye but we still went to high rise the next week with some buddies.</div>
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if this post was a scrapbook it would say "mooney family, may 2015-january 2016".</div>
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-17229795605256257052016-03-07T09:58:00.000-06:002016-03-07T09:58:41.279-06:00behavior<br />
when you read the title of this post, what you think immediately says a lot about you. <br />
if you are in the world of autism in any way, you conjure a very different picture in your mind than that of anyone else who may think of a small child throwing a temper tantrum or someone who imagines their strange uncle and how he behaves at family gatherings.<br />
<br />
lena cried last week. and screamed. for quite a while. she occasionally cries and she occasionally screams, but this cry & scream combo is different. it can't be described and if you hear it or experience it you will be quite alarmed. it lasted about 15 minutes, which may not seem like a long time but when a non-verbal 9 year old girl screams and cries for 15 minutes, the seconds drag on one at a time... each 900 of them, slower than molasses.<br />
<br />
in that moment, we were all a bit shell-shocked. <br />
although, we shouldn't be. <br />
there were times only a few years ago, where this went on for hours. it was our normal. she has worked hard at coping with all the things in this world that are overwhelming and now...now, it is not our normal. it is not multiple days a week for long stints of time. it is one weekday afternoon for about 15 minutes. <br />
and while i am consumed with deeper gratitude than you can imagine at how her behaviors have shifted and i'm filled with pride, as only a mother can be, at the mountains that lena climbs each and every day to go through things that seem unrecognizable to the untrained eye...i am also just a bit sad. once i can work through the automatic physical response of how it makes the blood pressure spike to hear screaming & crying like that...i am just sad.<br />i am not sad for her, not how the world would be sad <i>for</i> her. folks look at her and they pity her or even worse, they pity me. this pity is another topic that i could probably write a book on. she is strong and wonderful and smart and capable and does not need your pity and i, as her mother, definitely do not need your pity either. whose joy is greater than mine?<br />
i am filled with sadness because this daughter of mine brings to the surface over and over again, the reality that i shove aside in most other aspects of my life. <br />
<br />
<i>i am not in control of all this. </i><br />
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<i>i can not make this better.</i> <br />
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we are the figurative band-aids for our kids, aren't we? as parents, we think we can do things in our kids' lives and we can and mostly it is so so good. when anders runs to me with a skinned knee, i clean it, put the ointment and bandaid on it. i wipe his tears and hug him for as long as he allows me before he goes on to keep doing the same exact thing again that hurt him in the first place. and all of this is so sweet and dear and tender and i would never ever stop doing it or say i shouldn't in any way. i love them, i love taking care of them and it is what i love about mothering... it is in those moments that i want my kids to have a glimpse of the tenderness and goodness and care of the Father. yet in the midst of all this good we can quite possibly start to form a subtle sneaky veil over our mom eyes. this veil is made with the sense that we hold the key to everything for our kids. as if we are the answer to their everything in life. <br />
this is <i>a lot of pressure</i> we can put on ourselves and at the same time, if we are honest and if it's working out for the moment, it kind of feels good. it kind of makes us feel important. and needed. and valuable.<br />
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<i>lena lowers the veil. </i><br />
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with her, there is no option for band-aid or wiping a tear. wiping the tears usually makes it escalate even further and a lot of my natural motherly instincts have to be altered for her good. i say the veil is lowered with lena, because it really is a veil lowering, an opening of the eyes to see clearly the way things arew. and with hazel and with anders the truth is no different, but with typically developing kiddos the veil of control can stay up as long as i want it to. believe me, i leave it there. <br />
but with lena, i can't hold it up. there is zero pretending or convincing myself that i am her everything.<br />
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i am not her healer or her redeemer. my value and worth as a mother or human, can in no way be wrapped up in this child. look at just the single screaming tantrum on a wednesday afternoon for a moment...i can not make that better and there is no acting as if i can. if you were there, you would see. i am not the sustainer of her emotions and i am not the One who holds her life. <br />
and here is the message i preach to my parenting heart over and over and over...<i>being their mom and being their God are not synonomous</i>. it is not a matter of giving God control, that is not what needs to happen because He already has it. it is about freedom to see clearly His face and provision ...it is about letting go of the feeling like i am gonna make all of life for my kids in a broken and sinful world, better. i do not make things better. there are no band-aids for some heartaches and there are no band-aids for lena screams. there is only presence and reflection. i can give my presence and i can reflect the perfect love of their Creator to them.<br />
if i hold myself up in the good times, then i can just as easily tear myself down with blame in the hard times. if my kids are doing great, it's not because of how great of a parent i am. if my kids are struggling, i am not to blame. <br />
this is easy to type out on a screen and harder to live out in all the daily rhythms of life. <br />
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i am not in control. i am not their everything. i am not a band-aid. i am not their all. i can not stop lena from screaming.<br />
but there is One that knows every hair on their head and Whose thoughts of these little ones outnumber the grains of sand...and He has always held them, He has always loved them and alway will and i am this reflector, i am the one pointing them always to Him. <br />
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-33013087617354298502016-02-11T22:48:00.002-06:002016-02-11T22:48:09.012-06:00state of the mooneys. february 2016i would like to keep and continue blogging... not because ,ya know, i believe in some lost art or because of blah-blah-something-about-writing...but because it's like a keepsake place for mooney family happenings. i don't ever want to forget the journey. although, i already have and i will inevitably forget...i want to keep going with this space to remember what i can and think and process.<br />
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day-by-day life is so drastically different than when i started this little blog five years ago. 2 kids instead of 3, both in diapers, both toddling around underfoot. i think now of those days and wonder what exactly it was that we did all day every day? now there is school and basketball practice and reading homework and piano lessons and art club and therapies and how did this happen in only a few short years? <br />
<i>(yes, that is a a rhetorical and contemplative question and yes, the literal answer is is that all my kiddos are super close in age, so things like "sending kids to school" happened over only 3 years for 3 kids)</i><br />
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hazel & anders 1st day of school lena started a week later and this is her first day<br />
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the fact that i don't sit at this computer very often and definitely haven't blogged very often over the last year could make me want to throw the towel in, but i think i won't do that. instead, i'll start with today... sitting, typing, thinking about where we all are and the latest happenings.<br />
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matt<br />
99 balloons world continues to spin and spin and he is the first to tell you that he is "not a good executive director". but this isn't some form of a humble brag, and this isn't true at all either. while he actually is a very good executive director, what he means by that is that some parts of his executive director role are more life-giving that others. (<i>just like every job.</i>) but he continues to find his sweet spot in the areas of vision and story-telling. when you think about the actual mission and vision of <b><a href="http://www.99balloons.org/" target="_blank">99balloons</a></b>...like, if you were to read it right now, you would think it sounds like an honorable and good thing and you'd maybe even nod a little before going back to instagram. but what you may not realize at a glance is the big big picture that we truly want to change the world. like major social change for individuals made in God's image to be an integral part of communities and society. no big deal. go get 'em, matt.<br />
he is also starting a podcast called "the atypical podcast" where he will talk with folks doing atypical things and living atypical lives out there in the world and share the conversation with all of us. it's available <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/atypical-podcast-episode-1/id1081547633?i=361929307&mt=2" target="_blank">here. </a><br />
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anders<br />
this one turned 6 two weeks ago. it also happened to be his 100th day of school and he had glued 100 google eyes on a t-shirt for that fun day at school and i wrote in big letters on the back "today is my birthday!"...and then he got a high temperature the day before and my sweet sick 6 year old son wore that t-shirt around the house on his birthday in the most pitiful and sweet fashion. then we were gonna do a quick family fun getaway for the weekend after what would have been his first basketball game and anders got double pink eye and couldn't got to his game and we had to re-schedule that trip.<br />
no school on his birthday. no 100 days of school celebration. no first basketball game. no little family trip. <br />
and do you know what he said about it all....<b>"this is the best birthday ever because i have a whole day with just you, mom".</b> i kid you not. i can't even believe it as i write it. <br />
sure, in the last six years, maybe he has bit a kid at the chickfila play area, and cut my hair when i wasn't paying attention, and whacked matt in the nose once or twice with a basketball or two, and a lot of other exciting & rambunctious little boy memories...but on his sixth birthday, he said <i>that</i>... and <i>that</i> is all i want to remember about his whole life. <br />
he's over half way through his kindergarten year and he has done great! he loves numbers and time telling and money value and beginning coding they do on iPads at school but he just endures letters & literacy...i'll ask him to do some writing and i will look over a few minutes later and he has written numbers from 1 to 240 and not a letter or word is written but he is getting there, reading is coming along and one thing he does understand: practice. so he practices & works hard almost every night on sight words. <br />
and he's fun. really, really fun. he takes piano lessons and doesn't love the discipline to practice but does like the music. <span style="text-align: center;">he wants to play and laugh and dance and play nerf basketball in his room with you for h-o-u-r-s. he was on a soccer team in the fall and now he's playing basketball. <br />he had to miss his first basketball game due to a little bout of double pink eye and when he knew he would miss his actual first ever real game (kindergarten 3 on 3, where they keep no score)...he asked, in all seriousness: "will it be televised, so i can watch my teammates". yeah, that one has a little excitement and intensity when it comes to sports.</span><br />
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anders first piano recital, december 2015</div>
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hazel<br />
she is 7. and to say she likes to read is an understatement. there is a reading program in town connected with the university of arkansas, where you read 15-20 minutes a night for the month and then you put your name in some bucket to get drawn to hang out with razorback athletes or something like that, a prize that hazel really doesn't even care about. but what she does care about is the reading. the first night she read 82 minutes...and wrote that in the little box on the form. i try to tell her we will not be able to sustain 82 minutes a day, every day for the month of february, but she will not have any of it and insists we need more junie b jones and ivy & bean books because she essentially goes through one a day. for valentines day she is hand-making each valentine for her class mates despite me saying "oh don't you want to just go buy some" (<i>mom of the year). </i>she was in her first real play in november. she was the youngest cast member of the musical, elf, jr. if you were to ask her she would say it was one of the highlights of her life, but it was hard and good for her and trying and long hours and she struggled, but she showed such bravery and she did it. and i was so proud of her.<br />
she is also playing basketball right now and matt is her coach. this is quite the adventure...hazel and 1st grade girls don't have the intensity that anders has about sports in even their pinky, but that doesn't stop matt from trying. have you ever tried to teach 6 & 7 year old girls about basketball....a few who have never played or maybe watched the game before? quite. the. adventure.<br />
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hazel in elf, jr...she's the little one in the front</div>
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lena<br />
lena, lena, lena...so much, where to start? well, do you know what an IEP is? if you don't, it stands for Individual Education Plan and for some this is a simple meeting about how the schools can best teach kids who need something different than the typical kid that goes to school. for lena, it's not that simple. she started public school in august and all of october and november was spent prepping for and attending some really intense IEP meetings. essentially we wanted lena to go to school with her siblings and peers and neighbors and to daily be in & a part her community. but the reality of that is not easy. it takes a lot for that to happen and the school district has a way they typically do things...matt and i just aren't afraid to bump up against that to get what our daughter needs. so we did and "bump up against" might be an understatement. hours and hours of meetings with 10-15 people in them. <br />
the end (for now) of the story is she stayed at the school we are zoned for. i drop off all 3 kids at one school. her neighbors and kids in her community see her in the hallways, sit by her in the cafeteria and play ball with her on the playground. this may seem to you like, well of course. but it is actually a beautiful beautiful miracle. His kingdom come...a little of how it all should be. <br />
and that lena girl... she is no dummy...she is happy about this. now, she still has all the diagnosis and deals with all she deals with every day...there is still screaming and banging halls and occasional crying about new things that she doesn't understand ...these are lena's normal. but she is really happy in a way i haven't seen too many times over the last 4 years home from ukraine. she is very aware that she goes to school with her siblings and friends and she likes it. i am so so proud of her. <br />
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me<br />
well, in the blink of an eye all three kiddos are in school. it may or may not be a mini identity crisis. i didn't really have this moment in the fall when i thought i would...the IEP process truly consumed my every free moment and i didn't know if lena was gonna stay in school or come back to homeschooling. it was like a full time job, talking to consultants, coordinating paperwork and progress and functional behavior analysis. and now is more of that moment where i look around the house and wonder where they all went? why is it so quiet? and how can someone so young have all her kids in school already?<br />
i don't have any part of this next season figured out....school lunches and folders and homework and activities are not exactly my thing...i was a lot more comfortable with toddlers under foot, temper tantrums and spilled juice and potty training and nap-time...but i am embracing this new place in the journey, even though i am clueless. i anticipate all the struggle and goodness and beauty the Spirit brings to each moment and wait expectantly for all He has for me in the newness of this phase of mothering. <br />
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((<i>i just looked through a million pictures from the last year on my computer and the only one i can find that i am in is this one.....apparently my kids will grow up and look back at a lot of pictures of themselves...they will wonder, where in the world was mom? new goal, get in some of the pictures))</i><br />
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-40518881022249229582015-11-12T10:41:00.001-06:002015-11-12T10:41:15.140-06:00remember blogging? and a gazillion pictures from 2014remember when people used to blog? maybe it's still happening, but it seems like most blogs i used to read have morphed into instagram feeds now. which is fine with me.<br />
i like using this space to remember moments that fly by with the rascals and sometimes processing through this motherhood gig. but, it has been a while. <br />
since it's november, i thought i'd go ahead and post some pictures from last christmas since it's almost been a year.<br />
christmas eve at matt's parents:<br />
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waking up christmas morning. such sweet sweet time:</div>
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in november of 2014, my sweet grandpa turned 90. so the big ol' extended family planned for a trip after christmas to be together and celebrate him. he lives in naples, florida so the mooney crew was fine with that!...however it was gonna be the first time all 5 of us have flown together. as with each kid, they change a lot in a year. i'd feel fine about taking lena today, but last year at this time her behaviors (associated with her autism) were different than today and i just had no idea how that would go down in airports and airplanes and away from home all her familiar. on top of all that, i had back surgery in september, so how would bags and traveling and 3 kids and all that work post-op? <br />
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maybe lena threw a magazine at the guy sitting next to us on the airplane and maybe it knocked his ipad onto the floor, but he had had a few drinks to loosen up on this particular flight, so thankfully, he was extremely laid back about the ipad situation. and actually the first flight, we happened to be in first class. whaatttt??? all 5 of us...in. first. class. this is still a crazy mystery to us....and we had to explain to hazel and anders that the seat on the next flight would not have quite so much room.<br />
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overall, it all went great. if you know our family, then you know this is huge! kids were champs and it really was a vacation we will always remember. still, almost a year later and i am still amazed and grateful. it was an amazing trip. sun, beach, family. such a gift!!!!<br />
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don't get used to this, anders:</div>
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someone was a HUGE fan of the first time she saw the ocean!!!</div>
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yep, hazel really is that high up in that tree:</div>
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is it 2nd cousin? or first cousin, once removed? not sure, but both were probably there:</div>
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my dad and his siblings:</div>
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celebrating my grandpa:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSr_tUUnCUcomt8ktl9fhjBSdgDZuI2w0411a_REHMUaAlIpJ9JUWQWqnW36Q3q2U37y4Q71TtYWP6wUeFEm0nzMX4QjzwH_BRbnT2HV77obrrvpnsBHBmQL7CrhEvzmxUOSPbtrVC9qXd/s1600/IMG_6323.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSr_tUUnCUcomt8ktl9fhjBSdgDZuI2w0411a_REHMUaAlIpJ9JUWQWqnW36Q3q2U37y4Q71TtYWP6wUeFEm0nzMX4QjzwH_BRbnT2HV77obrrvpnsBHBmQL7CrhEvzmxUOSPbtrVC9qXd/s320/IMG_6323.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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and my nephew celebrated his birthday too:</div>
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cousins:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAmHfDMOP8yzuaMLCG674d05sH3LACGkqdAUxRDXS8JmAEwoRJiXn9sXxP-AO0cosLGJbpPH8JEucrKH4SS2-f2sAihyphenhyphen1Xxj-9snLFzFlDplLgyll0Ao4ayimWj73FHlyAWGsdIPqJh4mT/s1600/IMG_6384.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAmHfDMOP8yzuaMLCG674d05sH3LACGkqdAUxRDXS8JmAEwoRJiXn9sXxP-AO0cosLGJbpPH8JEucrKH4SS2-f2sAihyphenhyphen1Xxj-9snLFzFlDplLgyll0Ao4ayimWj73FHlyAWGsdIPqJh4mT/s640/IMG_6384.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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just our 5 escaped from the big crowd for a while to the naples zoo. hazel loves giraffes:</div>
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found these animals in the brush:</div>
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so tired:</div>
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seriously, she's so pretty:</div>
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she is too:</div>
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it's a vacation miracle...all 3 rascals looking in the general direction of the camera:</div>
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girl cousins:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYJKFfm93KtyC0DEFLzbiE2gUe6eAmnNxtzNeOKtAdWioNHw9e_-TYJFyXOLFLLhmkYWCSQVjp0FwB8tS_G-9H-RVOIl7x1tV0OuYfI527w2JygBjZgLXvq5vnjXQ8SpvDRJVzWpJcWs7f/s1600/IMG_6505.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYJKFfm93KtyC0DEFLzbiE2gUe6eAmnNxtzNeOKtAdWioNHw9e_-TYJFyXOLFLLhmkYWCSQVjp0FwB8tS_G-9H-RVOIl7x1tV0OuYfI527w2JygBjZgLXvq5vnjXQ8SpvDRJVzWpJcWs7f/s320/IMG_6505.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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every now and then, matt and i take a picture together...the one before this was probably at the alter:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0yVQ61nZD6dZo0eAtfy7MvCgYlHIsmP7r9lyziK_noyfN8a0JFd8N2nnrM8P3EqJItKz3fgC_Sq-H5gim5XPvK7bWJT51KyNXPrYBRT7yERjBXTDVFJWUmMIy7pEPbtETfhXDxLL1E7p9/s1600/IMG_6521.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0yVQ61nZD6dZo0eAtfy7MvCgYlHIsmP7r9lyziK_noyfN8a0JFd8N2nnrM8P3EqJItKz3fgC_Sq-H5gim5XPvK7bWJT51KyNXPrYBRT7yERjBXTDVFJWUmMIy7pEPbtETfhXDxLL1E7p9/s320/IMG_6521.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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he's such a goof:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2CbjObBxjoxcP41K4Dq2shBj4Pr-T_B_FFjYTL7dy9K5khpZmJeY-pa29pvcLbtNPdKiulaqc_QBKsFjsHnXPxhJmKEEWLzjsLMt705Xu1-pB03zG1wu6Yh3z3Ev4AGj6XSdSuOWzJuDP/s1600/IMG_6523.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2CbjObBxjoxcP41K4Dq2shBj4Pr-T_B_FFjYTL7dy9K5khpZmJeY-pa29pvcLbtNPdKiulaqc_QBKsFjsHnXPxhJmKEEWLzjsLMt705Xu1-pB03zG1wu6Yh3z3Ev4AGj6XSdSuOWzJuDP/s320/IMG_6523.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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sweet brother:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRHtSb_Ria7fvNbS06aOoXebtlOZt3tY5uTrFAG45C69upAAxuOgyfh5GPQG2NujOAAViQGRswBisl3H9PaaJEAG1mt9ExoFV_QGKvp-JJ7nwVFCgd9Inl-AaJ2fS6oZdLH781jAbqpMz2/s1600/IMG_6526.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRHtSb_Ria7fvNbS06aOoXebtlOZt3tY5uTrFAG45C69upAAxuOgyfh5GPQG2NujOAAViQGRswBisl3H9PaaJEAG1mt9ExoFV_QGKvp-JJ7nwVFCgd9Inl-AaJ2fS6oZdLH781jAbqpMz2/s400/IMG_6526.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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nana and papa tom and all the grandkids:</div>
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my brother tommy, mid-sentence...if you know tommy, you know he's not one for silence, so i love this picture:</div>
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mom & sis:</div>
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whew... that is a lot of picures. now that i've posted pics of christmas 2014, maybe i'll get around to more pictures for the year 2015 before christmas rolls around. doubt it, but it's my blog and i can pretend that i'll get to that if i want to. </div>
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-88670606494355288902015-08-04T22:46:00.004-05:002015-08-04T22:46:47.356-05:00spring sportsdoes anyone even blog anymore? i feel like instagram has taken it's place for alot of the bloggy types. not because of instagram but because of ...life... i haven't blogged in a while. like a really really long while. someone recently said, "you don't really blog any more do you?".<br />
i guess not. <br />
but not on purpose. i really like using the blog as a space to remember bits and pieces of moments with my kiddos while they are small. but, i also guess they aren't as small anymore. i found this picture the other day and kinda wanted to die. how can 5 years go by like a blink? i mean, i remember people saying that when they were little and totally rolling my eyes at grocery store clerks or random ladies in....well, it had to have been the grocery store because really, where else did i go with all these miniature humans underfoot?<br />
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i picture them in my head mostly like the picture above, but really they look like the picture below now...and that was easter so they look even older...i can not even take it.</div>
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in the spring, they all three played a sport. that's right, folks. ALL THREE. </div>
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<b>lena played baseball.</b></div>
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we had heard about <a href="http://www.miracleleaguear.com/" target="_blank">miracle league</a> and visited games but didn't know if lena was ready for something like that in past seasons and i always missed the sign up anyway...mom of the year. </div>
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but not this year. i registered her early and when it came closer to the first game, we got an email from the coach about her being on the cardinals. that's right, she was a cardinal. something so unexplicably spectacular and beautiful about lena being on the cardinals. and the cutest cardinal i've ever seen. each player is paired with a buddy and there is an announcer and all kinds of kids with all kinds of special needs. lena's jam is walking and running. she would scream and get angry when it was her turn to hit the (whiffle) ball (with the help of her coach and buddy), but at the sound of the ball hitting the bat, she would smile and runnnnn to first base...and not stop. she kept on speed walking and running in pure sweaty bliss all the way to the outfield.</div>
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to try to explain the scene unfolding at those baseball fields seems pointless. no words suffice. but His kingdom come, right there. it was so beautiful and fun. </div>
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<b>hazel played basketball.</b></div>
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hazel really likes things with which she is familiar. so when the basketball flyer come home from school and matt and i said "hey why don't you give basketball a try", she was unsure. with some enouragement (we made her do it) she said ok. kindergarten girls basketball...well, it's a riot. due to some snow days, they had one practice before their first game and the girls were all shocked that in a real game (and by real, i mean 3 on 3 with coaches on the court with them) there are 2 goals and sides to the court. they just stood there. while crowd of parents were trying to yell at all of them up and down the court. as clueless as they all were that first game, how much they improved over the season was remarkable. hazel could be found dribbling though the house because my rule-follower 6 year old was told by her coach to practice dribbling and so of course she did. and, in typical hazel fashion, she stuck with it and improved tremendously. and i was and am so crazy proud of her. she did it. she entered into a new situation that she didn't necessarily prefer, she worked hard, learned a lot and ended up loving it. </div>
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and now, be prepared to be amazed at how great i am at technology and organizing photos and videos of my kids. so, here, all i can find of hazel's first basketball season, is not the actual video from an actual camera..but i can find the video of the video that i texted to my parents. seriously, i'm a technology trainwreck. if i actually get this blog posted, give me a cookie. in this video, hazel drives down and scores...the ref in the black shirt is in the way, but again, it's the only stinkin' video i could find. </div>
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<b>anders played soccer.</b></div>
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the first thing to know about anders is he was playing sports in diapers. he loves it. he watches with us and whatever the current sporting event that's going on is his "favorite". so...on the drive to hazel's first basketball practice, he was....absolutely. devastated. (keep in mind, he was in preschool. no basketball sign up for the preschoolers.) he had been watching razorback basketball and could mimic how micheal qualls dunks and he wasn't going to basketball practice, hazel was. </div>
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so through tears in the back seat he says "she doesn't even like basketball!"</div>
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but his time came and there are no words for this boys enthusiasm and how he expresses it. about all of life and in this scenario, soccer. 3 on 3, 5 year old soccer and the first game comes. most little boys excited but sort of timid and scoping it all out. but, anders, oh anders. not timid. not scoping. fired up. all in. his hands on knees and ...wait for it...pounding on his chest. i mean, non-stop, just like he had seen athletes do after they had dunked. </div>
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he had a great little season. so much fun and like usual with anders, always entertaining. he's so wild and just so so wonderful. </div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nPQeNTg6mn8?rel=0" width="640"></iframe>ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-8006075144417511342015-03-03T10:59:00.002-06:002015-03-03T10:59:54.272-06:00leaving on a jet plane"This is one of the most challenging and least practiced disciplines among Christians today. When we are silent, we come face-to-face with out addiction to being in control and always trying to fix things."<br />
-peter scazzero, on silence and solitude<br />
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all week i was a mess upstairs. i mean, my mind. i want it to be smooth sailing up there but mostly it's more like that crazy ship in goonies with all the traps.<br />
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a few years ago, matt and i made it a goal to have quarterly respite.<br />
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<i>{{respite is defined as "a short period of rest or relief from something difficult"....this is the heart of the part of <a href="http://99balloons.org/history" target="_blank">99balloons</a> called <a href="http://99balloons.org/recess" target="_blank">rEcess</a>. and since it is a big part of what we long to give to others with kids with special needs, we decided after lena had been home for a while and we were in the thick of understanding what parenting her would look like...that taking an occasional break from the type of care we so love to give her would be healthy and good for our marriage and souls. it would also be equipping for being the type of parents we want to be to all of our incredible kiddos.}}</i><br /><br />
so the goal was, and is, 4 distinct times a year that is set aside for rest. this can be a day long break alone or a more planned out vacation for the 1 or the both of us. for christmas, matt gave me a trip to los angeles. i had never been there. he had a conference near there for part of the week and i got to fly out to meet him when he was done working.<br />
easy peasy. right. wrong.<br />
leading up to leaving i was a mess. <br />
the addiction to control that scazzero mentions is legit. and super sneaky. when you actually do have a lot of responsibility with the day to day functioning of a household with little lives involved, it can tend to feel like it's all about you. you're in control and it all depends on you is the myth. there must be a way to walk in my calling as a mom of all 4 of my kiddos and still allow my mind and heart to maintain a posture of surrender. if it is all His, the kids He loves more than we can imaging, the home and tangibles He has given us...then He is in control, not me. but there was no telling me that before my vacation...<br />
<i>i can't leave. this is too much to put on other folks. lena may not eat. what about her toileting...i can ask someone else to cover that for a few hours, but a few days? that's alot for someone that's not her parent. and weather, what if icy snowy roads makes them stuck somewhere and i'm in sunny LA. what if anders or hazel gets really sad that we're gone. what if, what if...</i><br />
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and it went on and on...yep, addiction to control. <br />
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but no matter what i choose to dwell on mentally, the truth remains the truth. He is the One in control. and so i felt a mess, but i left. i don't know the answer or solution to the addiction to control and how to fully let go. but i'm learning...and i got on that plane and sat in silence for 3 1/2 hour flight. no screens, no music. some silence and a little reading. and that's a start. <br />
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-53564264685442080922015-02-15T15:09:00.001-06:002015-02-15T15:09:52.989-06:00anders' 5th birthdaymy youngest child, wonderful dear sweet anderson abel, turned 5 a few weeks ago and i am like dr jekyl and mr hyde about it. on one hand i am so content with this season of life. with the obvious exception of sweet lena's needs, the kids can almost take care of themselves. long gone are the days of diapers and spills at every meal and not being able to open doors. we talk less about "don't take that toy" and more about aslan the white witch and real gospel conversation. instead of abby cadabie (how does one spell cadaby), we watched honey i shrunk the kids the other day. there is less play dough and more uno and checkers.<br />
it's a beautiful time.<br />
then my youngest turns 5. F-I-V-E.<br />
all that basking in this great season turns into to a sinking feeling and this strange mom-lament of days gone past. being a mom is so strange at times.<br />
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but our anders turned 5. and despite all of our attempt to coerce him otherwise, he only wanted a party at chuck-e-cheese. a friend with 5 kids ranging in age from 6 to 13 told me the other day that none of her kids have ever even been to chuck-e-cheese and i burned with jealously so deep.<br />
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dear anders,<br />
you are a remarkable little boy. excitement and joy and love for others runs deep. you are still quite rambunctious, but you are so sweet about working on it. the other day you said "mom, sometimes even if my head wants to be gentle because it knows it's a time to be gentle, my body just wants to run and do ninja moves". (5 year old boy probs. the struggle's real yall). <br />
the other day, you came to my bedside at the crack of dawn on a saturday. you said "hey mom, is it sunday?" i told you, through still asleep eyes, that no it was saturday. you were so disappointed and say "awwww man, i thought it was sunday so i dressed sunny". you had on orange pants and a yellow shirt. this is maybe one of my favorite anders stories to date. that, and the <a href="http://www.orbitofthemooneys.blogspot.com/2014/11/youre-welcome.html" target="_blank">epic talent show</a>. you love sports. basketball, soccer, running, you are so active and pretty coordinated too. you still have this beautiful bend to justice. you want everyone to be treated fairly and you are bold to speak it. you are great with visual and spacial learning. you wanna know how things work or how they fit together and legos are all the rage these days. you love coloring with markers with great detail and precision, bu you don't love writing, which makes learning to write your name better and better difficult. but you push through and you are doing great in preschool. you are so crazy friendly and you bring joy to others no matter where you are. you will chat it up with a waitress or someone in a parking lot and the other folks always always smile. you just make others smile. and dear sweet son, you make me smile. you are a joy. i don't have words to tell ya how proud i am of your five year old self. <br />
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-83786033700385467932015-01-11T17:07:00.002-06:002015-01-11T17:07:53.650-06:00remember december<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
december is such a great month all around. as the kids get older, it's even more wonderful. advent and the anticipation of christmas is more real and palpable with each passing year. they ask questions about the Savior and His birth, why He came, what He came for and the gospel becomes more in view, more in focus. and traditions are actually traditions... they remember from the year before and want to do the cookies and the tree and the music just like before. </div>
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the ocd in me wants to do it all myself, but the kids really did all of this. they rolled the dough, used the cookie cutters and of course, decorated all on their own. so fun.</div>
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the parties and dinners for grown-ups are especially fun when you had a back injury for 1/2 of 2014</div>
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we love doing different things other than just the gifts that can be opened as part of christmas gifts. this is a surprise trip to boingo bounce (blow-up bounce house place)</div>
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and these next pics are from a big part of hazel's christmas...a day with mom of pedicures, lunch date and going to see the new Annie movie. not sure if she had more fun or if i did?!</div>
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my wonderful mother-in-law & i at a really fun diy night hosted by the awesome gals at <a href="http://17thdesign.com/" target="_blank">17th design</a>. </div>
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lights and lena! sweet sisters </div>
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after watching the grinch, a change in hair was a must</div>
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cutest elf ever</div>
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anders' preschool chirstmas program wasn't as epic as the preschool talent show, but still, little kids singing and ringing jingle bells is pretty cute. please note that a) anders may be the tallest preschooler in the universe and b) he loves friends and bow ties.</div>
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every year, as soon after thanksgiving as we can, we load up into the car, go grab hot chocolate, drive to the middle of nowhere arkansas where there is a christmas tree farm and let the kids pick out our tree. this was THE best year yet. a few years ago, anders peed his pants then last year lena was in a "cry-alot-in-the-car" phase and now, oh glorious now. they were old enough to just have a blast. after the tree is selected we get breakfast for dinner at cracker barrel and head home singing christmas carols. pretty great.</div>
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hot chocolate</div>
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the search is on for the tree</div>
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this is one of my favorite pics ever...hazel and anders found matt and i and brought us to this enormous one to tell us it was what they wanted. they thought they were so funny and ya know what? they were!</div>
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the actual tree!</div>
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it truly was a great december i wanna always remember.</div>
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-40721394501217193942015-01-07T10:58:00.003-06:002015-01-07T10:58:47.075-06:00lena is 8lena's birthday is december 12. born in gorlovka, ukraine in 2006. she turned 8 last month and we celebrated with such joy. and it's so much more than just a birthday. we traveled and were in ukraine 3 years ago at this time of year. we were there from december 4th, 2011 until january 14th, 2012. so each year we not only celebrate her birthday, but we also remember those first moments with her. we look back in awe and amazement. i don't even know how we got here, weren't we just meeting this 5 year old, 27 pound, mystery of a child. <br />
and now she is 8. she is 53 pounds. she is tall and rail thin but do not be decieved, she is strong as an ox. she has long beautiful blonde hair. she fights us on everything, but has learned to trust and signs "up" to her dad the second he enters the door. how painfully difficult, both emotionally and physically the whirlwind of the last few years have been. how triumphantly joyful and refining and beautiful they have been as well. <br />
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(december 2011)</div>
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(december 2014)</div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">happy birthday, my dear sweet loved child. not many get to see all the layers of all you are, but to those of us who know...you are spectacular. </span></div>
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the celebration started on her birthday eve with friends and pizza and the lights on the fayetteville square. she LOVES lights, so this was a perfect way for her to feel happy and special and to have fun while walk, walk, walking!<br />
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(seriously, how great is that face?!!)</div>
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then on the actual birthday, we had balloons and gifts. hazel and anders got to pick out whatever they wanted to give her {within reason}. it was the first birthday that she understood the concept of opening gifts, and wanted the toys so it was really great....she equally wanted the paper and ribbon!</div>
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then, a few days after her birthday, we did our now annual ukrainian feast with family. we cooked and ate varyneky filled with potatoes and some filled with apple for dessert, and authentic ukranian borsch, that i make less authentic by adding more chicken and cajun seasonings. ha! then instead of pushing cake or cupcakes on a gal who just doesn't like sweets, we stuck a candle in her favorite thing: greek yogurt. happy birthday Lena!</div>
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-51460115478466183322014-12-08T14:19:00.001-06:002014-12-08T14:19:18.927-06:00state of the mooneys, december 2014i roast beets and the marinated chicken cooks in the cast iron skillet and i smile big. i am allowed to bend lift, twist, push and pull after 6 weeks of not doing any of those things and now physical therapy for a few weeks and little things in life feel sweeter than ever before. when the tide of struggle and intensity and the "i'm-barely-making-it" feeling subside a bit, it feels like we are coming up for air for the first time in a while. and i am beyond grateful. i am not 100% but i am on my way and just being on that road is side by side with some sanity. <br />
one of the most amazing things about this back surgery season is the way the kiddos have all been sustained and have even thrived. they have rolled with all kinds of amazing folks in and out of the house. they haven't really even missed a beat.<br />
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anders will be 5 in january. he is the tallest in his preschool class and when we visit hazel at her elementary school, the teachers do a double take looking at him...trying to figure out where he belongs. but, alas he is 4 and not a student there yet. he is passionate and excited, tender and kind, rambunctious and wild. he is the epitome of social and friendly and he will carry on a conversation with just about anybody who will give him some of their time. with hazel starting kindergarten and lena not being in school for a full day, he and lena have had some sweet time together. i'll look in the rearview mirror and he'll be rubbing her arm or hugging her head. he is legitimately concerned about others in a way that sharpens and challenges me. he's also as ornery as they come. he's like a cartoon character in so many ways. he takes piano at the university of arkansas every monday morning with a sweet college student from thailand. she is strict with him and it is so good for him. she will say "again, this time perfectly". he may not be the next Rachmaninoff, but if he can focus and listen, he's pretty inclined to music. although he has yet to do any sort of organized sport, he is constantly trying to decide between soccer and basketball as his favorites. he wants to be a dad when he grows up...that's all, can't get any other occupation desire out of him.<br />
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hazel is growing before our very eyes. not always, but many times she seems wise beyond her years. she is a lot like her dad and is into the school scene. she's done great in kindergarten and i am so so thankful. she's reading, she likes going, she likes her friends, she likes her teachers and all the systems and ways you can work hard to achieve something. she entered the K-2nd grade spelling bee and keeps me organized and up to speed on most of life. she does gymnastics and a local kids theater. theater/plays/musicals are her favorite. she comes alive. her little class this semester at <a href="http://www.artslivetheatre.com/" target="_blank">arts live</a> was called create-a-play where the kids learned about developing characters and made up a story that they made into a play. hazel, dear sweet hazel, created her character...she was "ms star" because, well, she said she wanted to be the star. i'm not even kidding.</div>
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the picture on the left is her saying "i'm a star" and the one on the right is the face she makes for most pictures when you say smile....it's her ms hannigan face. the deep love for all things annie continues.<br />
this was her play::<br />
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lena is in her last week as a 7 year old. i can not believe that this little one we met 3 years ago is about to be 8! and what an amazing 3 years it has been. <br />
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she has done so great with my back surgery situation. a lot of my love for her is how i physically care for her and a lot of that got adjusted and changed and i must admit that she did better than i did in the learning to roll it all. and again and again, she is ever the teacher and i am ever her student. lessons of patience and unconditional love and caring nothing of the approval of man and new mercies every day and the list could go on and on. for a year and a half she has been at a small private school, set up more like a clinic. they exclusively do a type of teaching/learning that is exactly what lena needs called applied behavior analysis. if you are in the world of autism or disability, this is super familiar and if you're not then it's not. ((a general idea of what ABA is can be found <a href="http://www.autism-help.org/intervention-applied-behavioral-analysis.htm" target="_blank">here</a>. )) well, we love her school and her teachers and lena's experience there has been wonderful... due to a lot of logistics that have to do with insurance and tuition and policies that aren't sustainable for our family and blah blah blah, lena louise will be done with that school in december. and i am sad about it. and occasionally mad about it. not at the school at all, we love those guys. just at the whole system for kids who are not typical. i sit in a parent-teacher conference for hazel and she is essentially getting all the education she needs. whereas with lena, she's not. and it's a fight, but a confusing one. </div>
what is next is still undetermined. but as with all of the mooney rascals, we hold her life with an open hand to the One who made her, who knows every detail of her heart, mind, body & soul, and is providing for her when i can't even see what's next.<br />
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-71886087485177336792014-11-11T12:54:00.000-06:002014-11-11T12:54:15.777-06:00you're welcomei've been off the blogging train for a while. i wrote a little bit about the <a href="http://www.orbitofthemooneys.blogspot.com/2014/02/flywheel-week-3-honesty.html" target="_blank">crazy and hard</a> of this particular season of mothering back in the spring and then summer came and my back happened and then back surgery and the meds and 6 weeks recovering and it's like 2014 is such a blur and y'all, it is november already and snow is in the forecast for this weekend. i have no idea how i even got here.<br />
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nothing like an epic preschool talent show to push me back into a little blogging. our sweet anders...matt likes to say he's feeling his way through life and sometimes a dad just is so right. it'll take a little time to watch all these, but i would venture to say it will be worth it. he takes the audience on a bit of a roller coaster.<br />
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let me preface the videos with a few random bits of information::<br />
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1) anders loves people. loves them. hazel calls him "mr social" (she does not share his affinity)...when the parents of his friends arrived to watch their own children, anders greeted each one with great enthusiasm. i think a part of him really thought they were <i>all</i> there <i>just</i> to see him.<br />
2) the plan was for anders to do "ninja moves" for his talent. i suggested singing or piano and he insisted on the "ninja moves" and practiced at home for days.<br />
3) anders loves harper like a sister. they have known each other since birth. he loves her.<br />
4) had i known how it would all unfold, i never would have turned the camera off<br />
5) every time it's shakey, that is due to my laughing hysterically at my wonderful son and his adorable friend.<br />
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and without further ado, i give you the talent show<br />
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<b>video #1 - i'm so excited...until i'm not</b><br />
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<b>video #2 - i love harper, she's such a pretty dancer... hey, i know this song</b><br />
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<b>video #3 - why don't i just...</b><br />
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<b>video #4 - we were meant to be together (please note, harper never stops dancing for even a moment)</b><br />
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not shown...anders escorts her off the stage....like they planned it. <br />
i can't even handle all the cuteness.ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-71056152569442794422014-10-23T20:32:00.002-05:002014-10-23T20:41:35.063-05:00hazel is 6<div style="text-align: center;">
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dear hazel,<br />
you turned six last week and in some ways the time between the day you breathed your first breath and that 6th birthday is only a blur. but in other ways, i remember with such clarity the day by day way you have been becoming.<br />
you are adventurous, but with a wise caution beyond your years. you are creative and imaginative, but you don't give that away too often, reserving it for specific times to let your true colors burst forth. you are thoughtful because well, you are always thinking. you love to give gifts and cards and creations away and even though you are great with words, you'd rather give the tangible to show love rather than give the words away. you are doing so great in kindergarten. you seem to really love it but you also are really great to let me know in your own way that you miss me too. you still take gymnastics and still like it a lot. you also started play practice at a kids theater and you are all about it. you have loved annie for well over a year and when you went to kindergarten this year i had to tell you to leave ms hannigan at home...she is your favorite character to act like and sing like, which is so risque.<br />
so approaching your 6th birthday you said the only thing you wanted was for your friends to come over and watch annie. and that is just what we did. and you were on top of the world about it.<br />
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hazel, you also have been saving your own money for a ridiculously huge giraffe. so, we surprised you with it on the morning of your actual birthday. you named it GG and i don't know if you've ever loved anything more. you carry it around and sleep with it, bring it to the table to eat with us, put it on your back for walks around the yard. so funny.<br />
happy birthday, sweet daughter.<br />
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-3748408072510741962014-10-01T13:55:00.000-05:002014-10-01T13:55:58.851-05:00stay for rest<span style="font-family: inherit;">so, 10 days ago i had back surgery. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">a lumbar microdiscectomy to be exact.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">good times.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">i guess i had my tonsils and adenoids removed when i was 7 but i don't really remember that so my only association with hospitals has been involving my children, the birth of them or procedures for lena.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">prior to the date and time of the surgery, i tried to come to grips with the reality of my situation but i actually lived in an acute state of denial up until the exact moment my birthday suit was covered by a hospital gown in a pre-op room with a nurse named nicki that laughed awkwardly to fill silence. nicki put in my IV & i thought, "well, i guess i'm having surgery now" and grabbed the weird remote thing attached to hospital bed by a cord that allowed me to turn on the small tv too far away for me to actually see in my glasses since you can't have surgery in contact lenses. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">queen latifah had snoop dog on her talk show... did you even know that queen latifah has her own talk show?! and it is just me or has snoop dog been around <i>forever?</i> oh the things back surgery can teach you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">surgery went well, doc was happy with everything and i had little to no nerve pain almost immediately and just occasional nerve stuff now. this is pretty remarkable because even on lots of nerve pain meds, my foot has been numb since july. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">thankful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">all the denial, but i did the surgery and it went so well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">now i "recover"...which in my world translates to watching gazillions people take care of my family, my household. the whole 6 weeks is supposed to be spent walking or laying down, with an emphasis on no BENDING, LIFTING or TWISTING...sounds simple enough right? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">try it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">just do something basic like go to the sink and brush your teeth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">it's been so funny to me how much we bend, twist and lift. especially the mothers of little kiddos.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">first week was a lot of trying to manage pain and figure out the best way to move and get in and out of bed. the second week has felt much better but requires a lot of discipline because feeling good does not mean i can do anything more than the laying down and walking.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">but i can walk as much as i can handle and only 10 days in, i was able to do 3 30-minute walks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">so thankful to be walking more and more as autumn makes it's way to fayetteville.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">so thankful for incredible people, being the body of Christ in beautiful and basic ways like jumping to do laundry and meals and playing with kiddos and even just an encouraging text or call.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">so thankful for kids climbing stairs to bring me their latest artwork or pipe cleaner bracelet and kids going on walks with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">so thankful for season 7 of the voice. (liking Gwen & Pharrell so far)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">so thankful for a deck renovation. (more on that later)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">and...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>trying</i> to be thankful for being pushed to rest. not the laying down kind but the soul kind of rest. which for me, has followed the back stuff, the laying down, the total change of rhythm of every single aspect of my day to day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">only 5 days after surgery, when I was already feeling sorta sick of the lying around so much, i came across this ...</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">yes, come for rest. but stay for rest, too. stop all feverish haste and be calm and untroubled. come unto Me, not only for petitions to be granted but for nearness to Me. be sure of My Help, be conscious of My Prescence, and wait until My Rest fills your soul. Rest knows no fear. Rest is strong, sure. the rest of soft glades and peacefully flowing rivers, of strong, immovable hills. Rest, and all you need to gain this rest is to come to Me. so come. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">and then a few days later, i came across <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRWK-FJd1MM" target="_blank">this</a>...and you'd think I googled rest for the soul or something but I didn't...He's just good like that and He has me here to rest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">to stay for rest.</span></div>
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-26599428808836502482014-08-19T11:10:00.001-05:002014-08-19T11:10:25.103-05:00michigan 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="text-align: left;">so every summer we pack up, load the van and drive to northern michigan. it's </span>visiting family and cooler temps, it's <span style="text-align: left;">a road trip and vacation, but it's really just a circus transport. i love every part of this…even the long drive. i set up activities for the kids and we play games along the way and find interesting places to stop along the way. <a href="http://www.orbitofthemooneys.blogspot.com/2014/01/flywheel.html" target="_blank">i used to make this trip</a> as a kid and i love that my own little crew gets to have the same experience up north at a magical little place called bay view, michigan. my dad did this as a kid and my grandparents. my kids are making similar memories to the ones i made and that ones have made for generations past. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">i skipped some years going after matt and i were married and before kiddos. we've been going back up there since hazel was born and now, this summer…it was gonna be the best summer. we set up a sitter from home to meet us there to help, so that matt could just work from up there. hazel and anders are both old enough to do more of the activities offered up there. lena loves riding in the trailer behind the bike and walking in the cool breeze. i pictured running with my sister and sister-in-law along the trail that kisses little traverse bay and spending some mornings in a coffee shop all by myself. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">nope. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">i re-injured my back on the way up. this happened 2 years ago, before lena was walking. and now, after she's struggled more in the last few months, i have scooped her 7 year-old self up a lot. it's just what mom's do…when your kid is crying or needs you, you scoop them up. i could've been smarter with the scooping of a 50lb kid and that is easy to say now, i guess. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">and well, on the way to 4 weeks with family in a magical place...it was a bummer. and saying something seemingly real laid-back-no-big-deal like "bummer" and laughing awkwardly is just all i can do these days. now that we are home, surgery is likely and likely soon. and when we wonder how we'll do all this, He will be near. and that's how summer up north went as well. i was hurting and we wondered how we were gonna make it but God didn't just show up, He was there all along. lena did amazing, she was happy and content, even with my parenting from the sidelines and our sitter who came up was remarkable with her and everyone there. my family helped a ton with kids and groceries and laundry. hazel and anders did great and made great memories with their cousins. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">this is all so much grace, i can't even describe it.</span></div>
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i packed and was so proud and matt mooney still thinks this is too much for 16 hour road trip, 5 humans and 4 weeks away. </div>
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they do so great on long trips.</div>
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i plan all these organized crafty-activities and anders doesn't do them…he rigs his drink and bulldozer on a string somehow. such a little dude.</div>
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lena discovered pringles.</div>
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we stopped at a hotel/resort place outside of chicago with an indoor arcade, watermark and amusement park. everyone was a fan.</div>
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some serious focus at the arcade game</div>
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hiking at starved rock state park in illinois…ya know, back when i could do things like hike (insert awkward laugh here)</div>
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finding pretty things along the way</div>
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after a day of driving, a day of adventures and another day of driving…we made it!</div>
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and cousins are awesome</div>
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sunsets</div>
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lena loves sweeping and my dad is showing her how to actually sweep and not just bang the broom on the floor…he was a patient, kind teacher…and lena still prefers to bang the broom on the floor</div>
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papa tom's sail boat</div>
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bookshop fun at one of the best independent book stores, mclean and eakin</div>
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fun treats from the candy shop</div>
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this is our fearless and joyful sitter, michaela…i can not describe what a champ she was</div>
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cousins and aunts and duck duck goose</div>
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sometimes you go play in the park and your 4 year old boy finds a zumba class and joins in from a distance and then joins in close up for 3 songs. maybe the most i've ever laughed in my life.</div>
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i loved how all the grandparents, aunts, uncles, adults around would think that kids weren't listening to adult conversations…this is never the case with hazel. </div>
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sunday night vespers concert…not pictured: an attempt to bring lena because she loves music, but the first few songs were guest acapela singers instead of the orchestra and so she didn't last long</div>
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beautiful bay view</div>
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when the mom has a bad back and the dad and the sitter are doing everything, there has to be yoga, aka comic relief, when the kids go to bed</div>
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pirate day and she lost her first tooth!!!!</div>
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cousins and pj day at tot lot</div>
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lena louise, so loved and so hip</div>
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our friend josh came to visit and hazel jumped on asking him to swim with her all the way out to the buoy because he can't say no to our kiddos and no one else will stay in the freezing cold water that long…haaa!!</div>
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still managed to get some good time with ms lena even though i couldn't physically help her and be with her like we are used to</div>
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so crazy thankful for this place…no back injury makes this less beautiful.</div>
<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-49366528296666076782014-05-19T07:02:00.002-05:002014-05-19T07:02:36.613-05:00these 2...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
God is always telling us in one way or another that it's good to remember...the people of israel set up stones from the jordan <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+4&version=NASB" target="_blank">to remember</a> that He made a way for them and that <i>"the hand of the Lord is mighty". </i>Jesus has the bread and wine and <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+22%3A19-20&version=NASB" target="_blank">said</a> "<i>do this in remembrance of me". </i>and when peter is encouraging the church <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+peter+1%3A12-15&version=NASB" target="_blank">he says</a> he <i>"considers it right...to stir you up by way of reminder"</i>.</div>
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so, i've been remembering. when i see what He has done, worries of the now turn into hopes of the yet-to-come. lena is just 1 of a little community in northwest arkansas of amazing kiddos with special needs adopted from ukraine. it's pretty remarkable, really. lena and the others, each with their individual stories, all that stem from <a href="http://teamworksteam.org/about/who_we_are" target="_blank">some women who fearlessly follow Jesus</a> (the picture before you push play on the video is a little fuzzy-headed blond girl in a blue shirt, this is little lena) into places to touch the untouched and be light in the dark.</div>
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it's funny the way He weaves stories together. our friends, the brills, have had paulina as their daughter for nearly a year now. our lena has been home 2 1/2 years. </div>
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2 girls. </div>
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from eastern ukraine. who laid in the same room together for years. now, both in fayetteville arkansas. in forever families who love them. in forever families who happen to be friends with one another. i think about both of these girls and remember.</div>
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this is where they used to sleep in the orphanage</div>
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outside of the orphanage</div>
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paulina and lena, in december 2011</div>
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paulina in december 2011</div>
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a few months ago i got to keep paulina while the rest of the brill crew went to a basketball game. it was surreal. we see paulina and her brothers and sisters all the time. they are friends with the rascals and go to school together & come over. but there was something about this night...</div>
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having just lena & paulina together at my table that was so sacred and beautiful. </div>
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they both signed eat (amazing, amy!) and they both like yogurt and the way a wipes bag crinkles and getting tickled. they don't engage each other much, but orbit each other with ease. they are so beautiful and i am so grateful for these two beauties at home with families who treasure their everything.</div>
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-24862157887189321402014-04-12T13:17:00.001-05:002014-04-12T13:17:24.625-05:00deep breathsthe air changes. the earth has a smell and the wind blows it through new buds on branches. hazel stares out the window and says "they're dancing, momma, the leaves are dancing in the wind" and they are dancing and we talk for a while in the sunshine about how the Spirit of God is like that wind that makes us dance.<div>when it's spring and you live where we do in arkansas, you just gotta get outside. we loaded kids up yesterday and headed to devils den state park. matt said it would be crowded but we practically had the place all to ourselves.<br><div>hiking may just be our family thing. Hazel and anders love it and lena...well, lena loves walking and loves being outside and loves being with her family. so it's her happy place.</div></div><div>so we just went. </div><div>explored. played. ran free. jumped. laughed. chased. picked wild flowers. skipped rocks. touched moss. ate apples by the waterfall...</div><div>and all of us took a good deep breath.</div><div>being together out in the slow is just good for the soul. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigqKFScQ45Nldv4pRj0j08055OzDPToDBd6tsiAd9yotyYIpidISUDYyvtAt0a9JsNYwPQ10DeCbcXxRaUSYbq17Z3p-PR1zlMFX8noi98n-01Jn9SRWMuYrC1z2q6SgExuCYucqqMLgDD/s640/blogger-image-256755842.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigqKFScQ45Nldv4pRj0j08055OzDPToDBd6tsiAd9yotyYIpidISUDYyvtAt0a9JsNYwPQ10DeCbcXxRaUSYbq17Z3p-PR1zlMFX8noi98n-01Jn9SRWMuYrC1z2q6SgExuCYucqqMLgDD/s640/blogger-image-256755842.jpg"></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWJ3oPXnnbFA3gTWHl9UEzrG3It-8x5N00CjgnkbC2iSeKe1WujNh36K1LSYGWRIVq2wVw7HzWrG_JVtfGeOnMEQ_8Dsov8XViuKcKeVK3yRYZ_11Fw24wf0E3v9GzNxjfE_NzGTUFrxU2/s640/blogger-image-209801808.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCV48k17YhgN0D2D_lVVdh48rD_o61txOL5uMPG-W0nlEpIpFAFp6etj7pac7wDCxDZKKFErxqfJ_jMU8Fz1b_IzRNWcSvHj-5hYgU_mWS8JD7LR-nlSnftyjsd4_VFHc2f93R1Szfff04/s640/blogger-image--1141095219.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDisAsGvJpTbDtlrYaywhFJBbUN-rx6pjCeKJIt0hqrCYk5aIwW1Kft4AbSgfp2BHeRwdJmy9W0mazHvCFUrXqYoKHIiAnhtTUU9vBDM53u1nK1F0na86T3CZEn28GP5pirBauLhYcgEOx/s640/blogger-image-184712713.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDisAsGvJpTbDtlrYaywhFJBbUN-rx6pjCeKJIt0hqrCYk5aIwW1Kft4AbSgfp2BHeRwdJmy9W0mazHvCFUrXqYoKHIiAnhtTUU9vBDM53u1nK1F0na86T3CZEn28GP5pirBauLhYcgEOx/s640/blogger-image-184712713.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">obviously matt was the photographer, but I promise he was there too.</div>ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-33487492607320459342014-04-10T10:26:00.001-05:002014-04-10T10:26:08.307-05:00lena ballin'march madness is over. my bracket was horrific from the beginning. i decided to take some risks which was apparently a horrible decision. really though, did anyone have a good bracket? i mean uconn? who actually had them winning it all?<br />
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anyway, lots of basketball watching and playing around here and this girl even got in the mix. <br />
how hilarious is this video? who knew lena was such a baller?<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5uLfrIP3lf8" width="640"></iframe>ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-82717373861236118882014-04-01T10:46:00.001-05:002014-04-01T10:46:04.444-05:00latelyi guess if i were honest, i'd say that i really thought those snow days would swallow me up whole. <br />
but i'm still here. <br />
i use this space to remember and i haven't put any memories down in a while. it's like i've skipped february and march and just went from january to april. <br />
i want to blame this on winter, but the reality is there are just seasons of struggle regardless of the weather. where the days blur into weeks and months and the soul is just ready for spring.<br />
and i am ready for spring. for something new to come on in with the sunshine. <br />
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and these kiddos, they have been my winter teachers ... when i should be the one leading and shepherding them, they are the ones instructing me in joy and contentment and laughter. in flexibility and creativity. they wear their hearts and emotions on their sleeves and sing at the top of their lungs. they revel in the gifts and talents God has given them. <br />
anders looks at the world more and more, in his own unique way each day. he uses rubber bands in some contraption to rig the door and lock and he just wants to practice basketball. when my mom asked him his favorite team in the tournament, he said "the presidents". i (like the good mother that i am) dismissed this as him being goofy or confused. then he explained he was talking about "the first president"....what? then we pieced it all together. george washington. he was rooting for george washington university. <br />
hazel is so black and white and smart and logical. art and musicals (mainly annie) make her come alive these days. i hug her goodnight and she whispers in my ear that she wishes annie was her sister. she wrote her first "book" the other day. it was actually more like a poem. unprompted, with illustrations and the last 2 lines even rhymed. i registered her for kindergarten last week and i miss her already. it's cliche to say that she's my friend, but she truly is my friend. she is my baby too, but when i drop her off at that elementary school day after day, i won't miss my baby, i'll miss my friend.<br />
lena expresses outwardly the impatience and frustration as well as excitement and happiness we all know how to socially press down. she is learning and growing, which has been great for her mind and development and yet at the same time difficult for her to handle emotionally. and she and i continue to wrestle to figure out day to day rhythm while living with autism. i invite others into the wrestling, but she continues to prefers me. she teaches me what real love is and when i kiss her goodnight at the end of a tumultuous and choatic day full of her screams and my failures, i thank her softly. i thank her for teaching me that love doesn't mean i have to have anything figured out. <br />
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and all these lessons from them. it's more grace than i can handle. because i have struggled through it and His gifts, they don't come when i'm enough. when i've tried hard or picked myself up when the weight of just day to day life crushes.<br />
they just come.<br />
despite me.<br />
if i were God, i would withhold all this goodness until one got their act together. do more things that line up, worry less, read more, have more patience, get it together rather than just sitting there in a season of struggle. but this isn't the way He works. <br />
i don't understand it but i can't deny it. <br />
grace. so much grace.<br />
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walking at the park, looking all beautiful as usual</div>
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sometimes you peek in the back seat and see this. a sister hugging a sister that doesn't hug back</div>
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a visit to the cabin and big creek</div>
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love her style. hope it never changes</div>
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swinging and walking: happiness</div>
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sibs</div>
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valentines event at the library</div>
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she likes to hold hands</div>
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and she likes to read the paper with her dad</div>
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a little mother-daughter time trying on shoes... she likes the sparkly ones, obviously</div>
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banjo...8 minutes of this followed by 22 minutes of anders rolling on the floor and not listening</div>
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-53933196502415464432014-02-23T07:26:00.000-06:002014-02-23T07:26:01.411-06:00anders is 4<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCetpxFs81cvd1wSzZp5C1aZjmfxP6wuBViyrWRmZMSzwzfZaxS459E6Pt2TX108AypN3h4rJsaGg-vHPN0z3eF8r1U75ari8_StdJumwayDFiJpOmGQf5rXCjoJWdFsanEN7aRJx5T0M/s1600/ander1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCetpxFs81cvd1wSzZp5C1aZjmfxP6wuBViyrWRmZMSzwzfZaxS459E6Pt2TX108AypN3h4rJsaGg-vHPN0z3eF8r1U75ari8_StdJumwayDFiJpOmGQf5rXCjoJWdFsanEN7aRJx5T0M/s1600/ander1.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a><br />
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dear anderson...<br />
you turned four last month. <br />
sometimes i call you anderson, even though mostly we call you anders. this is because i can look into your eyes and see glimpses of the man you will become. <br />
you can be as ornery as they come, just like all of us i guess.<br />
you love being loved and you love to love. this is remarkable. a tenderness and a deep kindness in you. your dad and i are always trying to direct you in your emotions. any conflict in any sort of story or movie, makes you uncomfortable. you get that from me. you can be as soft and tender towards others and then you can get hot fast. self-control is a difficult thing when you are a rambunctious 4 year old who feels so much. it's hard to balance all that, i know, and your dad and i are here to help, son.<br />
you are able to not only perceive what others are feeling, but you truly care about them. if anyone is upset for any reason, big or small, you lean in. if someone has accomplished something, you rejoice with them.<br />
<i>great job with those blocks, haze.</i><br />
<i>mom, you really cooked good tonight, thanks.</i><br />
<i>wena, good job eating!</i><br />
emptathy, encouragement, friendliness...these are yours.<br />
and you, little 4 year old son, are sincere. your honestly is a breath of fresh air...<br />
<i>God, today at school, i accidentally bumped into emmy at recess, i'm sorry, forgive me</i><br />
<i>God, thank you that we get to serve others</i><br />
<i>dad, when you were at work, i hit hazel</i><br />
music is like a window into your soul. you love it. you tap your toes and remember songs more than you remember anything else. you take banjo lessons and just started gymnastics and you love them both because you just love life. i think we could sign you up for basket weaving and you'd be excited about it. i love this about you. <br />
you have a different and unique kind of creativity, you make up words and but those made up words into songs or with objects and imagine your own world with it's own set of rules.<br />
you love getting a laugh out of others.<br />
you have a big blue dump truck that you got when you turned two and you still love it. you push it all around the yard, fill it up with snow or dirt or sticks or whatever is close by. <br />
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superheros, legos, bikes, dad, racecars, motorcycles, dumptrucks, music, playdough, blocks, building, running, racing, sports, holes in the knees of pants, macaroni and cheese from jasons deli, ranch, almond-shaped brown eyes, bow ties, backwards underwear and pants, mismatched socks, movies...these are things i will remember about your 4 year old self.<br />
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yeah, you are wild but i hope you are always wild in your love for life and love for people. i know the reality of things in life that could crush that, but i pray over you, child. that all your wild will be protected and entrusted in the arms of Christ. that the One who is love will be your source of love. <br />
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-54474525211675255112014-02-07T12:57:00.001-06:002014-02-07T12:57:09.570-06:00grandma's griddle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="text-align: left;">in 2013, around the new year, my hope was for more simplicity. in possessions, in schedule, in how i keep my home, in friendships and kids activities. </span><span id="goog_1065119072"></span></div>
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clear out some of the noise of life in order to better hear the beautiful things that can lose their voice. </div>
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this sounds real intense but it was really just changing up some little things like where i buy groceries and cleaning out things from cabinets that we don't use. in cleaning out cabinets, i found a griddle my mom gave me that used to be my grandma's. it's straight out of the 50s, just like the little ranch house where it now lives with us. every time i pull it out of the box (the same exact one my grandma bought it in) i love the feeling of nostalgia. in my grandmother's handwriting, on a piece of masking tape on the outside of the frayed cardboard box is "tom and edna". my parents. at some point in her life with this particular griddle, she wanted my mom and dad to have and somewhere in that shuffle it ended up with it. it's called a presto automatic electric griddle with glass warming tray and it's in perfect condition. i wonder if grandma ever even used the thing. the tray will sit right on top of the silver griddle if you want it to & i have to be careful which plug-in i use though, because it's been known to blow a fuse. </div>
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with all these snow days, it's been put to a lot of use lately and with all these snow days, a mom's gotta just keep flipping the pancakes and enjoy the simplicity of an old griddle... </div>
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-70361198873838391782014-02-05T21:20:00.001-06:002014-02-05T21:20:32.906-06:00flywheel, week 3: honesty<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so, the 3rd assignment is the most difficult so far. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">honestly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">as soon as i read it, i knew what i was gonna write on and just not quite how to do it. but the whole point of this stinkin' group that my wonderful husband has put together is to just really sit down and write. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i'm much better at thinking about all these things than actually getting them out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">____________</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">honesty: i love her and it's hard</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b>
she planks out, standing tall and thin and gangly in the kitchen. all her joints tighten and she screams...in a way that you've probably never heard a seven year old scream. tears are falling, so she is crying, but i guess it's more of a wail. she's blazing mad. and in the past 2 years, i've learned the hard way that that kind of anger can be contagious. if i don't want to catch it, i can't act like her. if i act like her, how can i ever teach her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i hold her at the elbows, not too tight because i don't want to hurt her bony arms and she does bruise easy, but just tight enough to keep her from hurting herself because she can hit her head with more force than one would think possible of a girl her size and she sometimes bites her hand. i am squatting down right in front of her torso but my eyes are cast down. i see the drips of saliva pooling between us on the floor. it's too hard for her to swallow and scream at the same time. i keep looking down and i keep holding her arms, preventing her from hurting herself, but giving her no attention. the focus of a world-class athlete, yet just a mom and her child with autism in the kitchen. just another day, really.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i asked a simple thing of lena. one that she is capable of. she didn't want to shut the drawer that she had opened and thrown the contents onto the floor. she's a tall 7 year old, but a lot like an exploring toddler. at this point if i don't make her close the drawer, she will think it is okay to not listen to me. if she doesn't learn to listen to me, then she won't turn around when i am telling her to not run into a wall or the street or any other danger. and if she can't do that, then she can't walk around independently and that sweet, playful, fragile, bad-ass, fighter daughter of mine...well, she intensely wants to be independent to say the least. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i let her know she had to shut the drawer she opened, despite her protest. still, she didn't want to shut the drawer. she's a very smart girl who is non-verbal and when you don't have words, you have actions. when you can't shout "no!" like other kids can and when you're brain doesn't work like other kids and when you body doesn't do the same things as other kids...you have actions. like hitting your head.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and you have screaming. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">blood-curdling screaming.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so i keep looking at the tile below. no attention or acknowledging of her unless she stops screaming. even through hazel asking a question from the next room, ignoring the sister screams; and anders trying to console lena, completely engaged in the sister screams, i focus on the grey kitchen tile. i seem calm and cool and if you took my blood pressure it would probably be through the roof. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it's a scene you'd really have to believe to see. i later explain to anders, help him to see more of who lena is, how she works. help him to understand all the differences. as i talk to him, i talk to myself too. it's just another day, ya know. i don't talk much about the day to day with lena. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and i rarely say the honest truth. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it's really hard. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i think that for a long time, i just couldn't come out and say that. i knew it somewhere inside to be true, but i feared saying that out loud would negate the depth of love i have for her. as if saying it meant that i didn't like or love her or cherish every detail of her. i also care too much what people think & that sounds like a martyr and oh, i am no martyr.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but i guess somewhere along the way i have begun to glimpse what truly is...the both/and of this life with a daughter with special needs. they say multiple disabilities because well, she can be lumped into any category you'd like. cognitive, behavioral, physical, visual. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a few hours after the kitchen
screaming situation, i am giving lena a bath. she now knows how to lay
herself back into the tub from a sitting position then back up. she goes
down and up as she pleases, and oh the joy of that independence. i wish
the world could see her smile in those moments. it's glorious. and just
like the screaming and all the layers of hard that comes with it, is really just for me... in that moment in the tub, i'm the
only one seeing that smile. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that smile and those long blond waves. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">she is spectacular. she is
so gorgeous and wonderful, i can hardly breathe when i explain her to people.
she is my daughter and i get to be her mom. i don't deserve it, i know that full well. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i also know full well that nothing can touch the depths of
love i have for her.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">nothing.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not even the reality of how difficult it all can
be.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-27773851990350480502014-01-30T10:47:00.001-06:002014-01-30T10:52:21.600-06:00how anders falling off his bike is a lot like grief{flywheel week 2 assignment:: analogy}<br />
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something happened in the sporting goods store that day. hazel's bike had gotten too small and anders was now big enough to have his own bike. he had rode hazel's over and over and over in circles in our driveway at home. more than her, really. training wheels, clicking against the old cracks in the cement, it wasn't difficult and it wasn't anything he had even thought twice about. so we were at that superstore to try out simple bikes for the kids that didn't break the bank. i pictured in my head just plain jane blue and yellow bikes, but nooooo that's too simple for american culture so our only options are bikes with all kinds of things on them. cars on bikes, cupcakes on bikes, motorcycles on bikes. is just a bike too much to ask for? anders climbs on one of the bikes with cars on it and it's too big. just too much for him to handle and i know it but don't think it'll do any harm to let him try. he falls immediately and i didn't know it at the time but something happened in that sweet little mind of his. he was done. bikes meant falling and so he'd skip the bike thing. we bought one that was the right size. no problem, right? wrong. <br />
he would not ride it. it took me a long while to connect his refusal to the falling in the store. a week of hazel and cousins and other kids riding circles around him and he stays on that tricycle. the safe one, close to the ground, going snails pace even though his knees cramped up at his chest circle fast and furious. another week of trike-riding goes by. still, no bike. then one day i look out and my mom is talking with him beside the cars bike. he climbs on. he rides. he rides and rides and rides. and eventually, he falls again. but this time he knows that it's possible to keep riding even after one has had a crash. he fights tears and wins. then grabs handlebars, swings the leg over and keeps going. he doesn't ride because he won't fall. he rides knowing he will and that he can keep going. <br />
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i said i would never be away again over eliot's birthday. a few years ago, we were in michigan with family and there was nothing wrong with it. it wasn't bad. it was just that we weren't in fayetteville. the town where he took that first breath and where he took that last. and we weren't just us in our own home where we could shut the door, pull the blinds, look at pictures, videos, remember, cry, smile, celebrate the sacredness of that day he was born.<br />
when we began looking at what it would be like to travel up north again last summer, a look at the schedule and my heart sank a bit. i can't have it all. i made cupcakes by the bay and it was beautiful but it was surrounded by others instead of in the silence and weight of a july 20 at home. and the next day, surprisingly, the sun rose again in the east. and i breathed in and out and fed the kids breakfast and the world kept spinning round. it was what would have been his 7th birthday and i was <i>still</i> surprised that the sun rose the day after. seven whole years and i didn't wanna get back on the bike. grief feels a lot like falling off the bike, but it's not falling off the bike at all. it is the getting on and knowing you will fall and you can still keep going. whether my heart is feeling sustained or whether the pieces wrecked by missing him seem to obscure and messy for even Him to pull together... the journey keeps going.<br />
knowing i'll fall, i keep riding.ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6423718163067813050.post-61668371261265600012014-01-30T06:41:00.002-06:002014-01-30T06:41:33.790-06:00merry christmas to me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
christmas morning was beautiful and perfect and full of classic kid quotes and expressions and giggles. before breakfast and after throwing the paper from kids' gifts away, matt grabbed a few brown gift bags with red and green tissue peeping out of the top. there were actually 4 gifts. each with a section of a poem that ended up creatively saying:</div>
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surprise! we're going on vacation. just us. to santa fe, new mexico. for 4 whole days.</div>
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what? this is funny for so many reasons. in the 2 years since lena came home, the most we have left was last summer for about 36 hours. another time a few months ago for 24 hours. and both of those took intense planning and scheduling by yours truly. but a real deal vacation!? that i didn't even plan or have to make any decisions on? getting on an airplane with no children and being gone for 4 whole days?! </div>
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merry </div>
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christmas </div>
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to </div>
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me. </div>
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we could've been going anywhere and i would've been so excited. upon first hearing we were going to santa fe, i was excited about getting away, but knew nothing of the place. then looking a bit into it, it looked perfect. a sleepy town full of culture, art, beauty, skiing, and of course great food. and when we finally arrived {with no luggage and after an unexpected first night in dallas}, it was all of those things and more. skiing, southwestern food, cool shops and street artists, georgia o'keeffe museum, art galleries, and lots of great conversation!</div>
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traveling without children. so easy.</div>
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baggage claim at santa fe airport...i just thought it was so quaint.</div>
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when the airline loses your luggage, you hit up target.</div>
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our <a href="http://www.innatloretto.com/" target="_blank">hotel</a> was so amazing. unlike anywhere else i've ever stayed, it was this classy and beautiful decor, somehow still with plenty of traditional santa fe elements. </div>
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turquoise everywhere.</div>
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my favorite restaurant was a little diner right on the plaza, called the plaza cafe. i keep trying to make a breakfast burrito like that...no luck yet.</div>
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we found the coolest used book store in an old house. and i loved all the details inside:</div>
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<br />ginnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09882983375923670823noreply@blogger.com0