it's ok and we're all gonna make it...a beginning of summer note for panicked moms everywhere

can you feel it?
sense it?
they can, you know.  the kids can.  deep in their bones they know there has been a shift in the universe.
summer.
everyone is so excited for summer, because it all comes to an end...the school parties, teacher gifts, etc.  everyone's all "see you next year", smiles & hugs to teachers and crafts from their preschool classroom come home to sit on the bookshelf.
we even have one of those cliche pinterst-y summer lists on our wall and making it was really fun and i really thought:
"i'm gonna do great with all the kids home all day everyday and without karly (our beloved beloved sitter) or preschool or mom's day out.  we're gonna bond and eat popsicles while we memorize bible verses and do devos under the sunshine".
sometimes a girl's gotta admit when she is dead wrong.
fast forward to day one of the first week of us all here.  picture it in slow mo if you will.  the door shuts behind matt, and pardon me but there is no other way to say that all hell breaks loose.
anders is distraught that dad didn't hug and kiss him goodbye (but matt did actually hug & kiss him goodbye, it was just misplaced frustration at the change).
anders hits hazel.
hazel looses her mind over it.
anders gets in trouble then looses his mind over getting in trouble.
lena is anxious at the chaos and pulls her hair out (literally) and hits her head and randomly bursts into tears.
then the next day, i have an idea because apparently i'm unrealistic and full of bad ideas...i'll take hazel and anders to chicfila for lunch while lena's in therapy.  it's summer, so we'll go to the one with the outside playground.  again, picture this in slow mo.  we're done eating, they're playing and i am just sitting and watching my beloved summer angels play up in the play place.
then it happens and they come down.  three girls, one by one and all of them bawling their eyes out.  the little one is holding her shirt up, showing a big red mark on her gut.
that's right, folks, anders took to kicking and hitting them.  3 of them in an instant.

"i may be bi-polar", my friend says to me.  she thinks she is sort of serious, but she is joking because that's what the first week of summer break feels like. and we ALL feel the crazy.
i feel it ...
what happened to my cliche list?  it didn't mention kicking little girls at chicfila!
the list clearly says
picnic on the bike trail.
and this is no picnic, i'd like a picnic.  a big i'm-an-awesome-mom-picnic.
the summer list didn't mention all of us loosing it because when schedules change the heads of children just explode and then us moms, we can't help it...something in us makes us want to transform into children so we follow them and our heads explode too.
i forgive them, they forgive me and there is a beautiful spinning out of grace and reconciliation but there is also the times it leaves us thinking those awful lies that mothers should not be allowed to think:: that we are failures and that no other mother fails like this.
lie. lie.

so this is a note to all of us.  this is a friendly post-it note to say,

it's okay and we are all gonna make it.

if you literally need to make a post-it note that says that, then feel free.  because my friend is not the only one feeling crazy.  i do too and it's not just the 2 of us.
it's okay and we're all gonna make it.

put it on your bathroom mirror because tomorrow the summer sun will shine on us.  it will shine if your son is kicking kids at chicfila and it will shine if you are actually having a picnic on the bike trail with well-behaved children who get along.

and i know this because i am living it.  this week is soooo much better than last week.  

deep breaths.  

maybe...just maybe, i think we are actually starting to regulate to the new rhythm of summer.  

good luck, read your post-it note.

and remember that sometimes your kids make really bad choices at the play place and other times they are really cute like this...