journeying

there's been a a lot going on in the mooney house. 99 balloons is having the most wonderful fall...which translates into a very busy time for matt mooney. traveling, teaching, advocating. he has gotten to tell some unique audiences about eliot, all he taught us and the work that was born from those lessons.  99 balloons got to have their first ever fundraising event (an art walk that was so unique & so fun, just like 99ballooons the org:)).  i've become this soccer mom-type & i don't even have a kid playing soccer...but i am in the car a lot taking kids to all different places on different days. the family calendar is a bit ridiculous. and honestly, thinking about the schedule of most days makes me want to stay in my pajamas all day.

in all of it...

i have been struggling a bit...and more than a bit a times.  simultaneous to a busy work season for matt has been my back. the main issue is with the nerve & it makes my left leg & foot out of service. i had one injection a month ago, but it didn't really work so the doc discussed what surgery would look like.  he introduced the topic by saying 

"you want me to just fix this thing? i'll just make about a 3 inch incision and..."  

it was at that time that i fended off the wooziness by studying his bright pink dress shirt paired with a pink & silver paisley tie.  he had on cuff links and who wears cuff links these days during a plain ol' work day?  

i imagined i was anywhere else but in a spine surgeon's office.  

i left there and went straight to a friend who has a chiropractor/physical therapy/sports training clinic and did an intensive week and a half with those guys. i'm still doing the stretches & strengthening they taught.

for almost 3 months, i've had a hard time with this. i haven't adjusted well to the physical changes of 

going from very active to not very active at all & just how different daily life looks.  it's not just the back, it's medicine that had the great side effect of making me a mess & occasionally dizzy & then i had a side effect of a skin thing going on. good times. i'll always remember that it was right before 33. right before my 33rd birthday is when my body just stopped being young all together. i think i'll go shopping today for mom jeans ...they'll look great on me as i limp to the mommy mini-van.

a few weeks ago, i sat in a seat in the back right corner...i love it back there. it's been my spot at church since before eliot. i heard mark teach on the great commandment & the good samaritan. he didn't just teach, i mean he brought it.  i sat and listened to him say that we have to step outside of ourselves....but it wasn't a condemnation but a calling to compassion.  he talked of not needing to add another thing, but to look for ways to love "as you journey" through your days.  i sat stunned at the peeking into God's heart, at the bits and pieces of a truth that spoke to me. 

"as you journey"

and this bummer of a back thing, it's just a small part of a big journey.

sitting back there listening....for a moment it wasn't about me or what i think i should be able to do. it wasn't about trying to decipher if my back is better or worse than yesterday. 

it wasn't about me...but Him.  

and that One...the One true God doesn't change. 

life can feel so topsy turvy, unpredictable & all over the map but not Him. 

whether its cloudy or clear, the sun always rises on the dawn & i know He doesn't change like i do.